This is kind of a continuation of yesterday’s thought, but I’m starting to enjoy when things fall apart, well, after they’ve fallen apart. The things that didn’t go according to plan today were making almond milk, making a rice dish, cleaning up my house, getting all the flies out, and more. However, I was not stressed by any of these things, which again is liberating. This morning it took longer to sieve the almond milk than I thought, and I had an appointment to get to. So I put the not-yet-sieved bit in a different jar to sieve later. The rice dish turned out unpleasant, so I just threw it away. There are too many dishes to clean tonight. I’ll clean them tomorrow. The flies? Okay, don’t have an answer for the flies yet.
That paragraph was probably too much information to be telling to strangers on the internet because you don’t care exactly how I did or did not solve my problems. But for me, this is a landmark time in my life. The old me would have insisted that I finish making all of the milk before I left, or insisted on finding someone to eat the horrid rice dish instead of just admitting it was bad and throwing it away. Maybe leaving dishes until morning or having a fly problem is not a sign of my growth, but it is a sign that I can’t be perfect every day of the week. I just did too much cooking today = lots of dishes. The flies? That’s my mother’s story.
With each mistake I make, I grow. It sounds really cheesy, but I’m finally starting to understand the meaning of that idea. I’m not even worrying about having a perfect blog entry today, because there’s no way I can be an awesome blogger after only a couple months, and only a few entries. The mistakes I make when I practice are like the pains in my body. When I am tired, or have a stomach ache or a headache, my body is telling me that something is wrong and I need to fix it. The mistakes I make as I practice writing or music tell me what I need to work on to be a better writer or pianist.
I have to admit I can’t do it by myself. Dwelling in the presence of Yahuweh is the only way such revelations are possible at my age. Every time I think of Him, say His name, plug into His presence, I am filled with such joy. He reminds to be patient. He guides me step by step. There may be thought processes that are purely me, but I’d rather give Him the credit than not. All praise and esteem be to Yahuweh, the only wise kind.
Called to Wander 