Germans, and an Austrian

I wrote a symphony today. Just kidding, I wish I had. Really I was just playing the third movement of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. You that part where it stops being all crazy and the top hand plays a simple melody? Yeah, I was thinking that’d be a nice for a violin. And the bottom hand played by a sweet cello, or maybe even a double bass. Mmmm…

Is that how Mozart felt? Writing a piece without even trying it out, the melodies just weaving through is head? Oh, an oboe sneaks in and steals our hearts here. The soprano will sing about her cheating husband here…

I love Bach. My mind just goes and my fingers play away mechanically, as if I’m a piano automaton and you’ve put your 4 quarters in. I sometimes play an invention over and over again. I hope I don’t annoy anyone. It’s soothing to me.

I had dreams of composing for films once. I gave up when I fell in love with Japanese. I don’t remember which came first. Did I lose confidence in my music first? Or was it my Japanese obsession? I often wonder what my life would have been like if I was in music school. Hell.

I could never do piano for money. It wouldn’t be fun anymore. So then…why am I willing and even excited to write for money?


Practice Makes

Never submit a project you aren’t completely happy with. I say never, and yet I submit projects I’m not happy with all the time. I had that thought today while practicing piano. I was messing around like I do, and usually when I mess around I find a chord that was just waiting for me to find it and make a song out of it. I was trying to create a chord structure around it that complimented it, but with no success. And then I had that thought, about not presenting an unfinished, unperfected product. I say unperfect because an uncompleted creation is an unperfected creation.

I’ve written a few songs this year, but only one has made me almost as happy as the one I wrote last summer. I still want to work on this new one. Half the lyrics are awesome, and the other half is just good. The piano too is exciting in some parts, just good in others. Imogen Heap went through thirteen different versions of “Tidal” over the course of a year before she was happy with it. Wow. I think I need to follow her example and spend that much time on something I create.

However, I have a tendency to write a first draft, call it good enough, and turn it in. And you know what? If it’s for a class I usually get a decent grade. It depends on the teacher, but without trying I hardly get lower than a high B. I hate it. Please don’t stop reading because I cry over B’s. No, what I’m saying is that I hate looking at a good grade for a paper I know could have written better. One of my professors this semesters is a very nice grader and gave me an A++. I told mom I wanted to argue for a more honest grade, but she told me that would be an act of pride, not humility. I was confused, because I thought asking for a lower grade would be an act of humility. Instead, she said, I was not submitting to or respecting my professor’s authority. God puts people in authority above us for a reason, she said.

What is pride? What is humility? I’m still trying to figure that one out, where pride starts and humility stops. Yahweh says that we are perfect in Christ. But what does that even mean? How can I be perfect when I make so many mistakes? There’s this Reality of Duality, as my teacher like to say. Another way to say it is there are facts and truth. The fact is I am imperfect. The truth is that I am made perfect by the work of Yeshua. It doesn’t really make sense to me, but that’s okay. If you think you fully comprehend an aspect of God, you’ve got it wrong.

So maybe that means that humility is accepting the work that Yahweh already did, but pride is asserting I can do it all on my own. That means going into projects asking Yah for help, because He has already blessed me with the ability to write it.

This blog post kind of digressed a little bit, but I think that’s okay. 🙂